Poor Maeglin
by Elithien
Summary: A little vignette on Idril's thoughts on Maeglin.


Disclaimer - Everything in here is taken from the book The Silmarillion from JRR Tolkien. I own nothing.  
  
*  
  
Another spring dawns with rising of the sun and the passing of the moon. The festivities break out. The gardens, halls and great courtyards within the white of walls of Gondolin are filled with the sounds of music, singing and laughter. It echoes throughout the valley of Tumladen as the first light of dawn spills over the ink stained sky.  
  
You are here. You are not seen, but you are here.  
  
Oh Maeglin. Poor, little Maeglin. Poor, motherless little Maeglin. So quiet and desolate, deep in thought. Poor, poor little Maeglin.  
  
You watch, you watch them all, so joyous and merry. Why can you not feel like that Maeglin? What are these shadows in your heart, in your mind, in your soul? Is it guilt Maeglin? Is it guilt that eclipses you, is it that you are the cause of Aredhel Ar-Feiniel's death?  
  
What have you done Maeglin? What have you done? Where now is the White Lady Maeglin? Oh Maeglin, what has come of your mother? Do you see her Maeglin? Do you see what she has done for her son? Do you see that she has died for you? Do you see that it is because of you she is gone? Do you see how you have killed her.  
  
Oh Maeglin. Poor, little Maeglin. Poor little fatherless Maeglin.  
  
Are you really Eöl's ill-begotten son, Maeglin? Are you Maeglin? Are you a dark and bent smithy like him? Poor Maeglin. Why can you not be happy? What are these seeds of evil in your hand Maeglin? Did your father give them to you? Will you sow these seeds Maeglin? Will you sow them in the midst of contentment and joy? Will you sow these evil seeds in the land of your mother?  
  
What will you do Maeglin? What will you do? Have you no gratitude for your mother's brother, to Turgon of the hidden city of Gondolin? Will you show him no gratitude for all he has done for you Maeglin? Do you see how they trust you Maeglin? Do you see how Turgon treats you as his own son? Will you deceive them Maeglin? Will you deceive and take for granted all that has been given to you Maeglin?  
  
But do they see you Maeglin? Do they see you in your sorrow?  
  
Oh Maeglin, poor, poor, little Maeglin. All alone and raven haired in the city of white. No words do you say Maeglin, save for those of great importance in matter. Silent, noiseless, soundless.  
  
Nay little Maeglin they do not see you for who you are, sad, silent and parentless. They see not how you suffer. They do not feel your pain, the pain of losing a mother at your own fault. They see you on the outside, raven haired with fair skin, a Noldo. Little Maeglin the Noldor.  
  
But are you fool blooded Noldor Maeglin? What of your father. What of Eöl. Is Eöl's ill-begotten child still there Maeglin?  
  
Do they see you Maeglin? Do they feel sorry for you? Do they see you Maeglin?  
  
But I see you Maeglin. I now the pain of losing a mother at my own fault, for were it not for me Elenwë of the Golden house would not have perished.  
  
Fear not little Maeglin. I see you Maeglin. Little Maeglin. Little, little self-pitying Maeglin. Little, little miserable Maeglin, wallowing in a pit of your own darkness. Little Maeglin without mother or father, little Maeglin who has refrained to silence, little Maeglin the ill-begotten son of Eöl.  
  
Eöl's ill-begotten son. Is that you Maeglin? Are you him. Where is he Maeglin? Do you know? Do you see Maeglin? Yes you know where Eöl's ill- begotten son is, don't you Maeglin. You know where he is hiding, where he can be found. He is here, isn't he Maeglin. He is inside of you with the evil seeds given to him by his father.  
  
Maeglin look at yourself. Look what you have done. Wicked cruel little Maeglin. You have killed her, only daughter of Fingolfin. The White Lady of the Noldor. You have killed her Maeglin. You have killed her. Cruel little Maeglin.  
  
Oh Maeglin. Poor, little, troubled Maeglin. My dear cousin, fear not, I see you. I see who you are Maeglin. I see through your sharp keep eyes. I see you sitting on your own Maeglin. I see your true colours Maeglin. Not of the blue and silver from the beloved house of Fingolfin, your mother's father. Nay Maeglin, your colours are not blue and silver. Your colour is black. Your heart is black. Your mind is black. Your soul is black.  
  
Shadowed little Maeglin, wallowing in your little pool of self-pity. Poor little Maeglin, ill-begotten Maeglin. Does no one love you Maeglin? Nay, Maeglin, your mother loves you, Turgon and Gondolin love you.  
  
But do I love you Maeglin? Nay Maeglin I do not love you. Do you want me to love you Maeglin? Do you want me to love your dark black soul and find some goodness inside of you, like your mother did for Eöl? Can I learn to love you Maeglin?  
  
Oh Maeglin. Poor, sad little Maeglin. How can I love you? How can I love you when I see you? How can I love you when I am the only one who sees you for who you really are Maeglin, ill-begotten son of Eöl?  
  
Did you know I feel sorry for you? I did Maeglin, I did, believe me I did. Yes little Maeglin I did feel sorry for you. I did. But then you looked at me. You looked at me and I saw. I saw you and you saw me. I saw you for who you really are, oh Maeglin, ill-begotten son of Eöl. I saw you and I see you.  
  
Do you know what I see inside of you Maeglin? Do you know what I saw then and I see now? I saw the blackness of your heart, the cruelty and malice that does reside and you.  
  
You are ugly Maeglin.  
  
Ugly.  
  
Ugly on the inside. I can see through you Maeglin, see the real you. Inside you are ugly. Ugly like your father. You are twisted. You are marred. You are bent. You are ugly.  
  
Oh Maeglin, poor twisted, ugly Maeglin. Do you see how ugly you are? Do you close your eyes and see how ugly your soul is? Do you see how twisted your thoughts are?  
  
Oh Maeglin what has become of you? What evil has consumed you? Did you drink it? Did you drink from the cup Maeglin, the cup of wine you made yourself? The cup that opened your mind to evil? Oh Maeglin. What now will you do? What now will you do Maeglin? Will you sow those seeds?  
  
What have you done Maeglin? Where is your mother? Where is your father?  
  
Do you know where you are Maeglin, little Maeglin, little poor twisted Maeglin? Do you know where you stand?  
  
Do you know where I stand Maeglin, little Maeglin, little poor twisted Maeglin? Do you know that I do not love you, I never have and never will.  
  
Oh Maeglin, little Maeglin, little self-pitying, ugly twisted Maeglin. No one loves you Maeglin. No one loves you.  
  
No one loves you, poor, little, self-pitying Maeglin.  
  
No one.  
  
..::-*-::.._ ..::-*-::.. _..::-*-::.._ ..::-*-::.._ ..::-*-::.._ ..::-*- ::.._ ..::-*-::.._ ..::-*-::.._ ..::-*-::.._ ..::-*-::..  
  
Please Read and Review and tell me what you think.  
  
Oh yeah, does anyone like Beta Reading? If you are please e-mail, I got a new fic which I want a beta reader for. 


End file.
